Telling everyone what the hell is wrong and sometimes what is right.   Archives << current   This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.

I'm a Gryffindor! What the hell is wrong (and sometimes right)   3/22/2003   Yesterday I found out that a friend of my mom is very very sick. She had a heart attack but the oxygen was cut off from the brain for some time (they are not sure how long) and she is left with the mind of a 3 yr old. They are hoping that she will come back more...... IT is just so sad, it is not so bad to die, I think, but brain damage....... that is so much worse then just dieing, it is keeping the soul here but without the ability to grow. My heart goes out to this family and I hope that some how their mom is able to regain herself. On other news. I don't need the war on 24/7. Really I promise you I don't. Those of us, who want to know, need to know, ALREADY KNOW. We don't need every single minuet of the war told to us. I'm already scared, terrified. It's not like telling us about it means that we can do anything about it; I can't go "hey, wait a minuet, don't drop those bombs I saw something” . I personally am beginning to feel violated by our news media (I already feel victimized by our government). I feel that we begin to perpetuate more violence with this kind of coverage by escalating people’s sense of danger/threat. Of course on the positive side the war has allowed Elizabeth Smart to slide out of the news so that she can heal in whatever way the universe sees fit. Saturday, March 22, 2003   Blacken skies turning red, flame white Hearing voices of a man now dead Fill my hands with flowers Brownish oily golden power Smothering killing clouds of night Do we know what we destroy? Saturday, March 22, 2003 3/18/2003   I can't believe that we are going to another war. I don't like Saddam Hussian at all. He has hurt lots and lots of people, but, now we are going to hurt lots of people too. Why can't we just assasnate the guy and leave the rest alone? I wonder how long it will go on, and if Russia, and maybe China are going to attack us in some way as well. Expecially China who has wanted Tiwan for so long, we cannot expect them to not take advantage of this unrest. I wonder if the young men I work with now will be drafted? I don't think we will leave the USA tho' I've consenderated many times. JL wants to stay no matter how bad our goverment gets, or our enemies. I pretty much wanted to leave when the overthrowing of elections happened in FL, but JL wanted to stay and I like the comfort you can only find in the USA. I wish I could real news, I wish I really knew more about what is happening, but I don't trust our news. You shouldn't either- that is what the hell is wrong today. Tuesday, March 18, 2003 3/17/2003   Maybe when I come to I will see more of you Hazey in the pain Damaged eyes that will not see I could love you even more Innocent, in blue sky Dragon's come to eat my heart Carry these bones away In the wind your laughter I do not die But live on Monday, March 17, 2003   It's a good day, the sun is out and everyone seems to have a positive attitude right now. However it looks like war is only days, perhaps hours away. I'm scared, I feel like this could be bad. I had a vision not that long ago of SFO, the airport, (I live very close by) with only military craft on the tarmacs and black smoke pouring out of the buildings. I don't know that it was a true vision or if it was only me being affected by the level of hysteria, but still it haunts me. Some people are going to die soon for a reason that most of don't understand, will it bring change so that men and women of the Middle East will one day treat each other with respect and value human life or will it only bring our enemies close together to crush us. I don't know. I try very hard not to think about my friends in Israel and the even more increased violence that they will face. They (Israel) are the Sentinels and they are damaged and maimed in ways that I don't even know can be fixed. Monday, March 17, 2003 3/16/2003   Some weekend’s things just seem out of sorts. Good and bad mixed in so that at the end of it you don't know weather your happy or sad. I want to say it has been one of the longest winters for me in a loooong time. I can't wait for the rain and the cold to go away and long summer days to arrive. ' We have old wooden windows in our 1350$ apt. (just got a rent decrease YEA) It seems very wrong to pay that much for a place and not have good windows. It is one of the prices you pay to live in the bay area. Everything cost more, not just alittle more but much more. The prices are dropping, but not enough I will be happy if the next 5 years I can get my rent to drop to 1000$ and I will probably still have the old wooden windows. Sooooooo to say the least this has been a bad rainy season this year, it came early has stayed late and everything is wet all the time. Does anyone know where I'm going? Yep every Californian knows, MOLD. It is like a plague out here. While I never had problems with it back east out here I have yet to live in a place that yearly (more in some places) you didn't have to get your spray bottle of bleach mix and a sponge and wipe/kill the mold off of where ever it is. So up I go taking down all the window coverings and washing them, JL doing the heavy furniture moving and wiping around the widows. And we fight so badly when we have to work together. I know, I know, most couples base their happiness on how well they work together. Not so with JL and I, we are both so feverantly indepenant people that we do best when we can just do our stuff alone, and one of the reasons we are so happy together is our ability to not crowd the other person. BUT JL is a man..... if I left it to him to do it just wouldn't get done, or it wouldn't get done right and the mold would just get worse or come back also I don't like to climb too much with out someone spotting me so we are stuck with some chores just being a team effort. So we fight it out, it's hard to fight with JL b/c he is the only one I know who is actually harder to fight with then I am, not only that but I love him so much that most of the time I just want to give in and let him have his way. It's hard being in love and being married. Hopefully the rainy season is close to an end and we won't have to do this again tell next year. Speaking of love, Did I not just say I love my husband, I do really I do. I must b/c I let the man put me another 1200$ in debt. What for you say, can anyone guess? Yep, a full size keyboard w/ stand b/c now he wants to be the piano man. WE HAVE 5 different guitar/bass type instruments that he won't sell and are always in the way, at least 5 or six wind interments, and small drum. AND AND he already had a small keyboard that I just bought him 5 months ago. Has ever made one dime playing? No, not that I know of. He could make money, he is good enough and heck during the summer time there are plenty of people who set up on the streets and play for cash, but he won't play what people want. Of course he swears that he his going to pay it off. Promises to. He could lose his job tomorrow (his co. isn't doing that great) but he will find a way. LIAR, it will be me, in the end who gets short changed so that we can pay this off. Geez I'm so pissed about this, but what can I do, in the end, he plays a whole beautiful concert for me, filled with light and shades of gray, making our apt into a forest, a mountain, an ocean, and more. I knew what sacrifices I might have to make to begin with. Sunday, March 16, 2003