What the hell is wrong (and sometimes right)

Telling everyone what the hell is wrong and sometimes what is right.

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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.

9/05/2003
Earthquake last night. Scared the cat but I was fine. Lets face it, the time you know your in a quake it's to late to do much of anything. Convencing the cat of that is quite another thing all together. J didn't feel a thing as he was driving some shakey old bus around and just didn't notice the diff.

Sadly my favorite blog is on vaction with out her computer.

Friday, September 05, 2003

9/04/2003
Thinking about renting an RV this spring and going to Minn. to see my Grandpa. Not sure if I enough time off to do it but.... I think I do need to see him soon. J loves the idea and it isn't too expensive although the one way flight home is of course more expensive then the round trip would be, does that make sense to anyone? How can they charge me more for flying less? But they do. Still it is just in the thinking about stage, not quite ready to commint to the full plan yet.
Thursday, September 04, 2003

9/03/2003
I'm so grateful to be back in my life. It was so hard for a while, like reality was so painful and everything just needed to stay gray. But now I can feel the life inside begging to come out. I just have to stay focased on what I REALLY want to do and not get trapped again into corprate rat race. I do need my job, I do want a house one day, but there are things that I want even more. I don't know how to reach those other things yet. It always seems that I'm behind when it comes to these creative endevers of mine, but I've got to stop giving up just because I don't know how to do what I want. I've got to get the courage up to ask and find out things. And I have to start doing charity work, even if I am tired at night. It is something that I have wanted to do but always found excuses not to. There is so much I want to do, I must just start by believeing that it can be done and that I can do it, and that some how I'll be given the time to do all that I'm suppose to.... Which brings John Lennon to mind. Not that I'm Lennon by any streach of the imagnation but, the thought was there anymore that he had to give that wasn't given sometimes haunts me, would he be capable of changing our nation now, or even 10 yrs ago, or was it all done? Do we only get to leave when it's all done or are we on some kinda strange cosmic clock that will run out no matter what?
Wednesday, September 03, 2003

9/02/2003
Wow, what a difference a couple of weeks makes. Physical Therpy makes all the diff. Energy is back up. I'm feeling like I can do stuff w/o dieing. Over 100 lbs gone. Almost a whole person. Was it worth it? Hell no. But what is done is done.

It's the end of the day and I'm feeling a bit tierd. J is working again, I'm working again, it's funny we had all this time off together, but I was so sick that we couldn't do anything fun, but now we are closer, more about one another then before. It makes me wish all the harder that I had some job that I could stay at home and do.

They blew up a Biotech place out here last week. Somekinda Animal rights activist. Fanitics are scary people, religous or otherwise inclined. Can't understand how some of those people get twisted up inside like that.

Last thought of the day. Last week I talked with a childhood friend of mine. She reminded me about what my life was like when I was a teenager. It made me sad, but it help put in prespective some of what I'm dealing with now. Things haven't changed, I have changed. No longer can people make me feel guilty or messed up for things that I have no control over or for no reason at all. I know that I have worth. The neglect of my parents is no longer a vaild reason for anything in my life. I do what I do to satify my sense of honer, loyaty, and love, most of which was taught to me by a family that did not live with me or share my gentic hertige.
Tuesday, September 02, 2003