Telling everyone what the hell is wrong and sometimes what is right.   Archives << current   This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.

I'm a Gryffindor! What the hell is wrong (and sometimes right)   10/09/2003   I've been meaning to get on here for days, but once again I'm become caught up in the stuff that doesn't matter in the long run. How does it happen?? The adrinaline rush of winning in some constest that has no rules, no morals, the only thing you can win will cut you off from most of humantiy and your love ones. What in the hell am I doing in this game? Okay I'll talk about vain stuff since I seem to be stuck in that world right now. I went shopping this weekend, for cloths, for the first time since the operation. I was wearing my mom's cloths and then my aunt cloths but I've b/c to small to fit in them. It was a lot harder then most people might have thought it was to shop. I kept looking at stuff and thinking "that's too small, I can't fit into that" but I can. It is like someone dropped me into someone elses body, I don't recongnize what I look like anymore. It is hard. It's not that I don't apprecate that I'm thinner, I do, really, it's just I can't escape the feeling that I'm not me anymore either. And everyone just keeps going on and on about it, and I just don't know what to say to them anymore. If I complain I look negtive and ungrateful, if I just tell the postive then I feel like I'm encorageing a surgery that I don't necassarly want to encorage anyone to do. AND I want to start recongnizeing myself in a mirror, I want to start changing that self-image I have of a big person, how do I do that? Maybe in a couple of months I'll try yoga, I hear it is great for that kind of thing. Enough for the day. Peace. Thursday, October 09, 2003